a puzzle

So lots of things have been going on in my life and I'm not sure how to put them into words. Have been at the same time very busy and waiting around for something to happen. I've been trying to stay focused and I kinda am but I feel so scattered like a chicken running around with ax damage to the neck. Mainly because I am doing stuff for other people and not really focusing on me. And that is where I need to focus. Hopefully that will change in the next week or two or three or four.... All of this has lead me to the thoughts below.

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I feel like a 10,000 piece puzzle someone has thrown in the air


All the pieces should still be there


Have some been damaged or lost


Will they all fit


Can't quite clearly see the picture on the box....

White Picket Fence

I realized something today ~ I mean really let it sink in to my being....

I went to a store today and cut through the home wares department. Walked past sheets and pillows and dishes and small appliances and laundry baskets. Everything that one needs to make a home. I thought about how nice it would be to set up a home.

I came home and I clicked on a picture someone I follow posted... it was his baby girl. I almost immediately started to cry. I would love to have children some day, but I am not sure that it is possible.

I have moved about a dozen times in my life, the longest I have ever spent in one place is 8.5 yrs... from birth. I have never really felt like I had a home ~ a true home. That is something I have longed for all of my life.

Even though I am a woman of age and living in an advanced society where women can do pretty much everything, I want nothing more then to have a home and to care for it and my loved ones. I would very much enjoy being "Donna Reed", even though I am all for equal rights and the such, I am truly happy in the kitchen, barefoot. I want it all ~ the white picket fence; the 1.3 kids; the dog; all of it.

Unfortunately this will not happen for me anytime soon no matter how much I want it to and how hard I try. Some major things need to be resolved and then I need to walk away from everything.

Until that happens I dream of the White Picket Fence.....